The past two months of inactivity on this blog illustrate the swirling mass of chaos that my life has become. Work, health, family, finances – you name it and it has caught fire, come to a head, or dropped a stinky pile of poo at my front door sometime in the last 60 days or so. I’ll spare you the boring details – and those I love the airing of my dirty laundry – but suffice it to say that life ain’t a bowl of cherries right about now.
And of course, with all of these personal issues taking up the lion’s share of my time, attention and energy, there hasn’t been a whole heck of a lot of time left over for the pursuit of MY stuff.
While I have managed to keep from gaining any weight – a small miracle for me with all this stress – I haven’t lost much either, save a few pounds in the past couple of weeks thanks to a late spring bout of the flu. My weight loss goals keep getting set, missed, mourned, and reset once again. I’m an emotional eater, so every day around here is like Mardi Gras to my psychological hunger drive – ice cream, chips and guac, fast food…just make mine a double! And as for sticking to a regular exercise routine, even I know that one is dead at the starting gate.
And then there’s work. My work that is, the side job. I have made a few small strides in getting my e-commerce site up and going. I ordered product for my starter inventory and even did some work on content for the store pages, but the work is slow-going, mostly due to my inconsistent attention to the project. I’ll get in there and mess around with a couple of items on my task list (I do have a kick-ass task list of course, being the all-planning-no-action, hyper-organized person that I am), but it’s 30 minutes one day and 10 minutes a week later – not the disciplined focus that a fledgling business needs to get off the ground.
So what’s the problem?
Everything else that’s going on in my life? Well yes, the merry-go-round of stress that my life has become these past two months certainly presents a challenge. Right now I’m spending most of my time and energy fighting fires, so there’s just not a whole lot left over to pour into “my stuff.”
But on the other hand, I’ve read dozens of success stories about folks who pressed on through just as much crap as I’m dealing with right now (many were faced with far more dire circumstances in fact) and they still made it to the finish line. So that’s not it.
Everyone else in my life? Perhaps, at least in terms of the time- and energy-sucking aspects of my current situation as previously lamented…yes, I could say that some of my friends and family have been a roadblock for me.
But on that damn other hand again, I have a husband who believes in me and my wacky dreams, who offers me advice but never judgment or discouragement, who does whatever he can to clear a path for me to “do my work” as it were. I also have a couple of wonderful friends who support me as well; having their encouragement, their ears to bend, and their shoulders to cry on in the tough times is often a lifesaver for me. So no, that’s not it either.
So what does that leave? What’s the roadblock to my success, the wrench in the works, the great albatross around my neck?
Me. All bullshit aside, it’s me.
At the end of the day, it’s my hand shoveling the Crunch n’ Munch in my mouth. It’s my eyes that clamp shut at 5am when I need to get up and workout. It’s my brain that shuts down, runs away, freezes in fear and anxiety when there is work to be done on the side biz or a blog to write or whatever “me” work needs doing. It’s always me, standing in my own way, whether out of fear or frustration or both.
I am the problem and I am the solution. It’s so simple, yet it’s the toughest thing in the world to do sometimes – get out of my own way and get moving on my dreams.
Time to get moving.